'Screwed in a Tree' or 'Who is She?'
by LafiTafi
Summary: Title to be decided later. Legolas and some elf are in a tree (hehehe). Can the Fellowship ever get him down? Aragorn whines! At 1 point! And yes strawberriez o0o, Merry is a perv! Hehehe!


Disclaimer: We do not own anyone in this fic but me (I REALLY want to own Legolas!). ~*Liz*~  
  
Author: Liz, a few ideas by Carolyn  
  
Editing: Carolyn (I must admit, Liz did most of the work ~*Carolyn*~)  
  
  
  
Aragorn, Merry, Pippin, Frodo, Sam, Gimli, Gandalf, and Boromir were beginning to feel VERY annoyed. They had been waiting for Legolas to come down from the trees for what had to be at least five hours. All they could hear from the tree was muffled moans and sometimes someone would cry out. They were also beginning to feel a bit concerned for their friend.  
  
"Legolas, stop playing with that elf! Please, just come down!" Aragorn yelled to Legolas.  
  
"HMMMHMMAAA!" was his answer.  
  
Ever since they had found that damn elf, those two wouldn't stop!  
  
Aragorn was totally annoyed, Boromir looked a little turned on, Gandalf looked extremely interested, Gimli looked disgusted at the thought of two naked elves, Sam looked disgusted, Merry looked very excited, Frodo seemed to be amazed that anyone could do it for that long, and Pippin had his look of usual confusion.  
  
"What's going on?" Pippin asked for the forty-second time.  
  
Merry hit him in the back of the head. "Do I really have to tell you?"  
  
Pippin still looked confused. Just then, the tree shook and some trousers fell on Pippin's head. A bra fell on Merry's head. Merry started to drool.  
  
A female's voice was heard from above. "Could you please bring those back up here?"  
  
Aragorn took the trousers off Pippin's head, ready to help, when panties fell onto Gandalf's hat, a dress drowned Frodo, and Legolas's underwear fell onto Boromir's head.  
  
"AAAAACCCCCCKKKKKKK!!!" Boromir shrieked. "Get it off! Get it off! Get it OFF!"  
  
The girl's voice was heard again. "And, um, those too?"  
  
Frodo frantically attempted to find his way out of the dress. Sam tried to help, but only succeeded in tying Frodo into it even further. Frodo started to cry.  
  
"I can't get out!" he whined.  
  
Aragorn rolled his eyes and picked up the dress. Frodo fell onto the ground. Boromir was still shrieking.  
  
"Get it off, get it off, get it OFF!"  
  
Aragorn looked at Boromir for a moment, and then got the panties off Gandalf's hat. Boromir, since nobody was helping him, carefully held the underwear in two fingers then tossed it. Aragorn grimaced and picked up the underwear and put it inside the trousers. He tried to take the bra from Merry, but Merry simply growled and put it into his mouth. He started to choke and he fell onto the ground, but he decided to keep the bra in his mouth anyway.  
  
"Hello, could someone bring them up here please?" the maiden yelled.  
  
"You have to come down right now," Merry said, when he found that if he held the bra closely, he could still breathe and have it near to him.  
  
"Um, maybe we'll just stay up here until you bring our clothing…" she said nervously.  
  
"Bring the clothes up here NOW!" Legolas yelled, though his voice was slightly muffled.  
  
Aragorn was getting angry. "Legolas, you have to come down here. We have an evil One Ring to destroy! Can't you do this after?"  
  
There was a short pause. "No…"  
  
"Legolas!" Aragorn whined almost as bad as Frodo.  
  
"All right, but I'm not coming down until I have my underwear and trousers. Bring them up, I'll get dressed, and we can go." They could hear Legolas and the girl laughing quietly, then Aragorn's sorta sharp Ranger hearing heard Legolas mutter, "In a little while…"  
  
Aragorn somehow knew that they wouldn't come down for a really long time. "Gandalf," he whispered, hoping the elves were paying to much attention to each other to notice him, "they won't come down unless we find a way to get them down."  
  
Gandalf nodded. "So, how shall we get them down?" Gandalf sat and pulled out his pipe and started to smoke. He started muttering to himself.  
  
"GANDALF!" Aragorn yelled angrily. The noises above stopped for a moment, then continued.  
  
"What?" Gandalf asked innocently. "This is always what I do when I'm thinking."  
  
Aragorn wondered if smoking really worked, and started reaching for his pipe, when he got an idea. "Gandalf, Gimli, one of you needs to go give them their clothes."  
  
"I'll go!" Merry shouted.  
  
"I'm not going to climb a tree," Gimli said flatly.  
  
"I'll go!" Merry shouted.  
  
"Then I suppose I must, then," Gandalf said. "But why me?"  
  
"I'll go!" Merry shouted.  
  
"Because…well…because…" Aragorn answered wisely.  
  
"I'll go!" Merry shouted.  
  
"Fine, Merry! You can go!" Aragorn screamed. Merry did a cute little dance and put the bra back into his mouth. He started choking again.  
  
"You didn't answer my question, Aragorn," Gandalf said.  
  
"Never mind that. Just go up there, and refuse to come down until after they do. Watch them, and they'll come down faster."  
  
"Oooo! Can I watch too?" Merry gasped.  
  
"Yes. Don't stick that bra so far into your throat, Merry. If you just hold it there, but don't try to swallow it, you'll be able to breathe.  
  
Merry nodded and did as he was told. He grinned happily and started to climb the tree. Gandalf took the clothing from Aragorn and slung it over his back. He followed Merry, but because he had longer limbs, got ahead of him quickly. He slowly lifted his head so he could see the two busy elves.  
  
"Anyone for a threesome?" he asked nonchalantly.  
  
The two elves screamed and covered themselves.  
  
"Gandalf, what are you doing?" Legolas asked furiously.  
  
"Bringing you your clothing," Gandalf answered. He swung the clothes onto a nearby branch.  
  
"Thank you Gandalf," the girl said. Gandalf stayed, staring at the elves. "You can go now, Gandalf."  
  
"I'm not going down until after you two do," Gandalf replied.  
  
Legolas rolled his eyes and grabbed his garments. The girl frowned and grabbed hers.  
  
"Hey, where's my bra?"  
  
Merry scrambled to where they were, the bra still in his mouth. He had been drooling all over it.  
  
"Ewwww…" she said after she took it from him. "It's all…wet…"  
  
Legolas actually smiled. "Well, you see," he said calmly, "we simply can't go down until her bra is dry."  
  
Aragorn must have heard him, because they heard him call from below, "She can't, but you can! Come on, the sooner we get this over with, the sooner I get to do what you're doing!"  
  
"I'm not going to leave a helpless maiden alone in the trees! Especially if she's stark naked," Legolas yelled.  
  
"Neither am I!" Merry shouted. Everyone gave him a weird look. "Well, I'm sure not going to," he muttered.  
  
"Right," Legolas said. "So, Gandalf and Merry, run along down the tree and wait. The bra will dry shortly."  
  
Gandalf and Merry went down the tree, Merry rather reluctantly. When they got to the bottom, the noises were at full volume again. Aragorn wasn't happy.  
  
"What are you doing, Gandalf?" he yelled. "You're supposed to stay up there until they come down!"  
  
"But the bra-"  
  
"Forget the bra! We're wasting very valuable make-out time-"  
  
"Legolas isn't," Pippin said. Everyone looked at him, shocked.  
  
"Wow," Merry said. "You finally caught on, Pip!" Pippin grinned proudly.  
  
"Anyway," Aragorn said, "we're, uh, I'm missing valuable ARWEN make-out time! We need to go destroy the Ring now! Gandalf, just go up there and stay, and that means DON'T come back down."  
  
Gandalf looked unhappy about following orders, and even unhappier because he seemed to know why Aragorn wanted him to go up. But, if it was to save all of Middle Earth…  
  
"So, who's up for that threesome now?" he asked while starting to take off his robe.  
  
The elves screamed even louder than before and slipped on their clothes and dived down the tree. Gandalf came down and they started walking on their way. The elf maiden walked off in a different direction.  
  
"I'll come to see you as soon as we're done!" Legolas shouted.  
  
"I'll be waiting…" she said, smiling.  
  
"So, Legolas, how was it?" someone asked. Legolas couldn't tell whom, but guessed it was a hobbit by the pitch of his voice. He just looked down, in the direction he heard the voice, and smiled.  
  
A/N: PLZ R & R and tell us if you want a sequel! Hehehe…bet you can guess who the female is. Liz came up with the whole idea, and Carolyn helped her with some jokes. So, Liz pictures herself as the lucky girl. Carolyn pictures herself as the lucky girl though, too. So that means, that if you liked it, picture yourself as the girl. If you are a girl.  
  
Ok, and we've heard some word on a sequel. Do you want one? If so, what kind? What would happen? Would it be a sequel or a chapter 2? Would the fellowship just have another crazy day? Would they meet the girl again? Would someone else get action? We need help, people! We don't know what you mean! So, explain, and you'll get your chapter 2 or sequel. 


End file.
